How to build PMM influence across teams (even when you are not in charge)

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Why building PMM influence is so hard

Last week, a senior PMM at a startup messaged me: "I spent months crafting a strategic narrative for our new pitch. Then I found out the head of sales had their team build their own deck instead. What’s the point of making this stuff if no one listens? How do I actually get them to use it?”

Sound familiar?

As we know, PMMs operate in a unique position of having massive responsibility but minimal formal authority:

• No direct control over the product roadmap

• No quota to prove immediate ROI

• No dedicated success criteria 

• Limited budget 

That’s why doing this job well requires significant cross-functional influence, as I wrote in a previous newsletter. It is the most important skill for a product marketer to have, yet I haven’t seen one honest, comprehensive guide on how to do it beyond advice like “find champions” or “build relationships.” 

After coaching 250+ PMMs over 4 years, I've learned that influence doesn't come from tenure, title, or organizational charts. It’s all about strategy, and therefore can be learned. 

So I decided to write the playbook I wish I had as a PMM. 

Here we go. 

Step 1: Determine WHO I need to influence

If you’ve used my 30/60/90 day plan, you know that stakeholder interviews are a crucial part of onboarding. The list of questions in the first 30 days help you be truly curious, not just performative. Of course, you also know that the most important part of these interviews is what you do with the responses. 

Here’s where it gets tricky - not all stakeholders’ responses are equally important. Some stakeholders are much more influential than others, and some are more critical for you to build relationships with. 

So, it’s important to map stakeholders on a matrix of attitude vs. influence - what I call the “Stakeholder Engagement Matrix.” This helps you understand formal vs. informal power, the range of opinions of PMM, and who you need to prioritize and focus on. 

Something that often surprises people is that influence doesn’t follow the org chart; it follows relationships. Whatever their title or department, you’ll be able to identify formal decision-makers, informal influencers, and potential blockers. Once you’ve mapped them as shown below, you’ll see they fall into one of four categories: 

1. Power Allies

2. Skeptical Gatekeepers

3. Advocacy Builders

4. Quiet Resisters

Those on the right side of the matrix have higher influence, so you’ll want to focus more energy on Power Allies and Skeptical Gatekeepers. Let’s talk through approaches for each category.

Power Allies

This group is the most valuable to you: they’re an ideal combination of high influence and a positive attitude toward PMM. Keep these folks close and focus on collaborating and delivering wins together.

Skeptical Gatekeepers

This group is the most challenging but also the most important. Invest 1:1 time to understand their needs and concerns. Once you have a handle on that, co‑create solutions to help build trust.

Advocacy Builders

You’re already in a good position here and don’t have to do too much work. These folks have a positive attitude toward PMM but a lower level of influence. Your goal is to nurture these relationships and help them gain more visibility, so their influence and support of PMM grow across the organization.

Quiet Resisters

Because this group is low on influence, you don’t have to worry too much, but keep an eye on them. Influence is not static, and if someone here gains more influence, you’ll need to adjust your strategy and give them more attention.

One question I get a lot is: How do you figure out who is influential?

People who are highly influential leave their mark: others listen to them in meetings, and they work on the most important, visible company projects. A quick litmus test: if this person strongly objected to something, would the decision still move forward? If the answer is no, they have influence.

Of course, these are broad strokes. I help my coaching clients determine with greater nuance who the true “influencers” are in an organization. You’ll likely need to go beyond your first conversations to determine who these folks are, but your initial stakeholder interviews will set a strong foundation.

2. Become useful to them 

Once you’ve mapped out the matrix, it’s time to determine how to become useful to your most influential colleagues. Being valuable builds social capital, which in turn increases your influence.

Prioritize one group to start with, either Power Allies or Skeptical Gatekeepers. If you can understand the one thing they want, including the motivation behind it, and align that with your objectives, you can deliver a win for both of you.

FOCUS is critical here. Too many PMMs join organizations and try to be everything to everyone at once. This is understandable, but it’s not strategic. Spreading yourself across too many low-quality projects does little to build PMM influence or move the needle. In contrast, quickly delivering a few highly valuable projects to high‑influence colleagues will demonstrate how vital you are to the organization.

Example: 

After starting a new role at a sales‑led company, one client of mine made a deliberate choice: she would focus first on strengthening relationships with Sales through better competitive intelligence.

Early on, she spotted a gap where reps weren’t actively using battle cards, and valuable win/loss insights weren’t making an impact. A typical approach would have been to hold a single training call and hope the information stuck.

Instead, she got creative.

She launched a “12 Days of Competitive Intel” campaign, dropping one compelling, high‑value insight each day in Slack. For example, she shared the “#1 Win Reason” on Day One; “#1 Loss Reason” on Day Two; and so on.

This bite‑sized, daily format built anticipation and kept Sales engaged.

The campaign generated buzz across the team. Reps were leaning in, conversations were happening in Slack, and by the final day, even the CEO showed up to watch her session.

She delivered so flawlessly that the CEO followed up with personal praise, and the Sales team shared enthusiastic feedback.

She figured out one thing that would blow people away, and then she delivered it.

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Once you’ve achieved success with one group, move on to the next. I recommend staggering your efforts so you have one key focus per quarter. This work is never truly “done.” Nurturing these relationships should be part of your ongoing work as a PMM. While it may feel like an “extra” task, it’s really an extension of what you’re already doing and it delivers outsized returns.

3. Spend 30% of your time on managing relationships 

Now that you’re adding value for your key stakeholders, the hardest part is consciously making time to keep it going. PMMs are often buried in deliverables, and relationship management is usually the first thing to slip.

But neglecting it will only make all those other projects harder to deliver. As you progress from PMM to Sr. PMM to Director and beyond, you should spend more of your time building relationships and less time doing hands‑on work.

Aim to devote at least 30% of your time to stakeholder management. Here’s how to do it seamlessly:

1. Share regular insights in 1:1s and alignment meetings. You’re a powerful conduit of information. Product teams can learn from your win/loss interviews. C‑suite leaders value takeaways from launches. Socialize these insights widely so that they create value, build social capital, and grow your influence.
   

2. Bake relationship management into every project plan. For each project, outline key roles (including a project committee), information‑sharing plans, and stakeholder alignment checkpoints. This is just as important as the deliverable itself.

   
   

   • Set up a dedicated Slack channel.

   • Define a RACI.

   • Schedule recurring reviews.

   • Build a clear decision‑making process so roles and responsibilities are understood, and stakeholders feel invested.

Example stakeholder review and meeting timeline:

Your leadership skills are on display when you’re driving alignment — but it’s easy to slip into “bossy” mode. Simply telling people what to do, rather than building with them, is the fastest way to erode both your credibility and authority… which leads us to the next step

4. Co-create; don’t dictate: 

As a product marketer, you know customers are more likely to adopt your product when they have a hand in creating it — and your colleagues are no different. To gain greater buy‑in, stakeholders should feel like they’re part of the process, not simply being told what to do.

One example to illustrate this is with positioning and messaging. Instead of building it in silos within marketing, it’s much better to run a workshop. While product marketing often “owns” this work, it’s something multiple departments should contribute to. When I run these workshops for clients, I bring key stakeholders together and work through a series of questions on a Miro board. Just as important as getting the right people in the room is making sure every voice is heard. Once insights are gathered, I create a final document to share with the team, ensuring everyone feels bought in.

Sales pitch decks are another project that’s ripe for collaboration. The fastest way to ensure that Sales never uses it is to shut them out of the creation process. I authored this guide in partnership with Crayon on how to build better collaboration with Sales. 

The fastest way to lose influence? Acting like a gatekeeper. You can avoid this by:

• Involving teams early,  especially on any positioning, GTM, or pricing work.

• Ask, “What have you seen work well?” or “Where do you see risk?” before pitching ideas.

• Remember: people support what they help shape.

You’ll notice when you start operating this way a true shift,  and you’ll see your influence starting to take hold. 

The Result: A Shift from Consensus to True Collaboration

Finally, while co-creation is essential for great product marketing, it’s equally important that you own the process and keep it moving forward. This is important to keep in mind throughout all prior steps and bake into your collaboration approach. 

One of the biggest mistakes I see PMM teams make is slipping into decision-making by consensus. From day one, remember: collaboration drives influence, but that doesn’t mean every team gets an equal say in the final decision. When everyone tries to please everyone, you end up with diluted output that fails to hit the mark.

True collaboration welcomes input from others, but a clear decision-maker guides the outcome. The goal isn’t to blend every idea, but it’s to elevate the strongest ones. For example, in the positioning and messaging workshop we discussed in #4, you can avoid endless debate by making it clear who has the final call while still ensuring key voices are heard.

Keep the table below handy to check whether you’re staying in healthy collaboration and not drifting into consensus.

What’s next?

Many PMMs tell me their favorite part of the role is collaborating across so many teams. But make no mistake,  this work can be messy, and it can’t be an afterthought. It has to be baked into your projects, processes, and initiatives. As you progress in your career, you’ll spend even more time on it.

PMMs who master this early see greater success and faster promotions. Those who avoid it often find themselves struggling or realizing the role isn’t the right fit.

If you want to build this skill set intentionally, ie, learning how to influence, align, and lead without burning out, that’s exactly what I coach my clients on in my onboarding and leadership coaching programs.  

If you're ready to get support to become the kind of product marketer and leader companies can't afford to lose and want to promote, just book a call to get started.